I know a great deal about adoption. I have worked within its energy is some way all of my life. I have grown up with it and have watched and learned about it from my life’s work as a psychotherapist. I have facilitated adoptions, both open and closed. I have removed babies that were being abused by their biological mother’s in preparation for foster care and possible adoption. I have counseled and guided biological mothers thorough the process of deciding and preparing to relinquish their baby. I have worked with biological mothers who are consumed with guilt and shame because they chose to relinquish their baby. I have worked with hundreds of children and adults who are adopted. And I found and connected with my biological mother on three separate occasions throughout my adult life, only to have to choose to walk away from her one last time. I have been participating in this dance of giving and taking away all of my life. What do I know about adoption? It is bittersweet. When loving parents, be it heterosexual or same sex couples, choose to take on a new life by way of adoption they literally give a child a Read more

Read Part One and Part Two of  Dancing to My Destiny. At the age of 40, I gave birth to a 3-lb 7-oz baby boy.  He, too, was a preemie who began life in an incubator. Fortunately, his mother never left him.  For the first time in my life, I looked into eyes and a face that resembled mine. I was complete. I examined every part of his little body, looking for signs of myself. I marveled at our connection—a connection that most people take for granted, if they ever give it any thought at all. We were bonded for life, this little guy and I. And again the thought occurred to me — “How could a mother ever let go of her child?”  Logically, I could answer this question.  After all, I was a trained professional. But my body told me a different truth. A team of horses couldn’t pry me from my child. I named my son Gabriel, and as he began his life, my dad was beginning to lose his. I did everything I could to connect the two while my father fought a losing battle with lung cancer. I watched the pair for hours. Took enough Read more

 Part One of Dancing to My Destiny is here. In 1964 our family decided to move from Anaheim to Laguna Beach so that I could be close to the beach air.  My asthma was getting worse.  This also was the year my mom told me I was adopted. Apparently, the local adults had been discussing the matter, and someone’s kid had overheard the conversation.  So the jig was up.  My parents wanted to deliver the news to us – before the playground kids did it for them. I can still hear Mom’s words: “I want you to know that we loved you so much that we picked you.”  I remember thinking, “OK.  Can I go back out to play?” My sister did not take the news as easily.  Her first response was: “You mean my Mom didn’t want me?” A few days later, an incident took place that validated my parents’ decision to preemptively reveal the truth about my origins. A friend had run up to me on the playground, eyes wide. With a mischievous grin, she announced, “Did you know you’re adopted?”  It was surreal, like watching a movie whose script I already had read. I felt perplexed and excited all at the Read more