My Second Mama
My 23-year old son asked me this question as we stood at the kitchen counter chopping vegetables for the stir fry we were putting together for dinner. His question caught me my surprise. I looked at him and asked, “You mean when you first came to live in America?” He shook his head affirmatively. He laughed a little and said softly, “I don’t know why I acted that way.” We both smiled as we talked about how years before he had told us through tears that our family was “no good,” that we just “bought” him because we wanted someone to order around, and the many times he told us he wanted to return to Russia. Read More
Time froze. My limbs went into a frenzy trying to get me vertical. I nearly fell off the futon trying to sit upright. Equal measures of panic, terror, and despair were pumping in my veins instead of blood. Every inch of my body was trying to run away from the rest. There was no where to go but I felt the need to move all the same. I honestly don’t remember exactly what happened next. Read More
The video you are about to see is about a 32-year-old man who was in a happy foster family, ready to be adopted, when he was, to use his words, “abducted” out of the family, and back into the foster system. His life went off the rails for many years, but he never forgot his foster mom or his brothers. Read More
This adoptive mother went on to tell me that she did not feel like she ever truly attached or bonded to her boys. At this time her boys were seven and eight years old, and she felt like they were not thriving as well as they should. When I asked her why, she said she felt like she never truly got over her grief about not birthing her own children. Read More
Some secrets are harmless and even inspirational, a secret desire to climb Mount Everest (even though you are not an athlete of any sort), or a secret goal that you are not ready to share with the world.
Some secrets however are burdens. They weigh heavy on our hearts, or stick in our throats as we even think about saying them out loud.
When I talk to people who are considering adopting I’m often asked, “is it possible to love another person’s child”? I’m always a little worried when someone asks the question in that way, but I do understand what they’re talking about, adoption is a mysterious process until you live it. I had an interesting experience with my daughter Stacee that does demonstrate how some adoptive parents simply stop thinking about how their children came into their lives, and how real they are as parents. Read More
I am a birth mother, who placed her son up for adoption in 1969. It was not only a very difficult decision for me to make but also the most loving and unselfish act I have ever done in my life. I placed him in the arms of a couple who would love and nurture him beyond what I was capable of doing at 18 years old. I placed him in a home where he would be able to grow with two parents who would care for him. I placed him knowing that I might never know or see him, but for his sake I was willing to do that. Read More
Unlike the day we picked up the boys at the airport, my husband Steve and I were cool, calm and collected when it was time for our daughter, Stacee, who arrived in May of 1990. It was also the boy’s third birthday, so there was much excitement. We got to the airport at 10 a.m., her plane was on time, and everything went smoothly. I thought she looked very “lost” and exhausted, but that is understandable. That evening at her welcome home party, she continued to look very sad and tired, but I didn’t think this would last long. I was wrong. Read More
The following blog is a story about my boys reaction to returning to Korea, and my enormous surprise at how fearful and resistant they were of these plans. I am no longer surprised because my boys are 26 years old and my daughter is 23. We talk about this every year, and every year they’ll politely decline the opportunity to travel to Korea. Read More