Sounds in the Silence: Birth Mothers and Feeling Worthy
During a recent panel for “So I Married A Birth Mother” there was one subject that really hit me hard and made me feel for the birth mothers in the room: it was the fear of rejection. I can only imagine how these birth mothers felt and how scared they might have been when getting ready to tell someone they’re dating or someone they cared for about their story with adoption. One of many things could happen in such a situation. They could accept the facts and see the blessings that adoption brings into the lives of many, it could be scary for the person receiving the information trying to think of how this will affect their life in the long run or they could not accept the information and take it in a completely unnecessary way.
Well, I’m here to tell you, you’re worth it! If a person really has a problem with your story about adoption and re-considers your relationship because of it then that person IS NOT WORTH IT! Nobody has the right to judge you for your choices and for your past. Every person out there has made choices both good and bad, big and small. But what you do about your choices is what makes the difference in your life and the lives of others. There are many people out there who will tell you that your choices are what make a person and what makes a person’s life. Those people are people that I like to call wrong. What you learn from your choices and what you do about it is what makes a person.
I don’t think people realize the amount of love it takes to be able to accept that maybe parenting a child is not the best thing for you and the child. That maybe the best thing for this child is to give this child a chance, a better life and a family. I can’t personally say I know how it feels to be able to make such a decision but I can see the amount of love that is given on both ends of the adoption. So the quote “It’s about love” is true in its entirety. And if people can’t accept it or don’t believe it then they’re not worth your time. There are many more people out there who understand and are willing to set things aside and accept your past no matter the situation.
I don’t think people realize the amount of love it takes to be able to accept that maybe parenting a child is not the best thing for you and the child.
You can’t expect every guy to either accept or deny your story. You also have to understand that this can be a lot to take in, especially depending on when in the relationship you decide to tell that person. You must allow and be understanding that they might need a little time to really absorb the information and accept what has happened and see the blessings it has created. And if said person really does care about you then they will be willing to stand by your side. If not, it may hurt but at least the truth is out and there is nothing to hide. After all, isn’t dating all about finding “The One”? And if you truly love someone, you don’t keep secrets. That’s part of being in a relationship and building a relationship.
Exactly when you decide to tell that special someone is advice I cannot give. There are many factors as to when, where and how to tell it best. However you decide on timing, I encourage you to tell your story and share it with others and how it has blessed your life. As adoption is truly selfless. Be strong, be brave and don’t be scared. Just remember that you gave a child a chance, a life, a family and a love that can’t be beat and there is no greater love than that.
Because you were strong and made a choice that changed the life of many for the better, that selfless act makes you…..oh, so worth it.