The culture of shame still exists in Korea, and these children are given up by their birth mothers. Many of them are “special needs” babies, and Molly Holt who is also in the film, takes care of hundreds of children with special needs  continuing the work her parents began. ————————————————————————————————————————————————————  

I know a great deal about adoption. I have worked within its energy is some way all of my life. I have grown up with it and have watched and learned about it from my life’s work as a psychotherapist. I have facilitated adoptions, both open and closed. I have removed babies that were being abused by their biological mother’s in preparation for foster care and possible adoption. I have counseled and guided biological mothers thorough the process of deciding and preparing to relinquish their baby. I have worked with biological mothers who are consumed with guilt and shame because they chose to relinquish their baby. I have worked with hundreds of children and adults who are adopted. And I found and connected with my biological mother on three separate occasions throughout my adult life, only to have to choose to walk away from her one last time. I have been participating in this dance of giving and taking away all of my life. What do I know about adoption? It is bittersweet. When loving parents, be it heterosexual or same sex couples, choose to take on a new life by way of adoption they literally give a child a Read more

Editor’s note: I consider all of my contributors “unsung heroes”, they are oftentimes pioneers at what they do, and they all are generous and brave. Kris is a new contributor and an important voice connecting the world of reproductive technology and adoption.  Please enjoy her post as she tells a wonderful story about how her early life connected her to this important issue. — JB How did a Iowa farm girl get into the fertility business? I was raised on a farm in western Iowa outside a small community, Dunlap, Iowa. My ancestors on both sides of my family came from Holstein Schleswig area of northern Germany in the 1800’s. They established communities in Iowa and named towns the same names as the towns they left. Farming was the family business with my great-grandparents, grandparents and my father. Sadly to say, the small farm business is not able to support families in this time. My mother continues to own many acres of good farm land that is rented to a local farmer. So how did this equate me for knowing about the donor world? Actually, one of my early memories was the bull sperm truck coming down the lane. We Read more

The adoption world is so lucky to have Jean Strauss making films about the many complexities of adoption and everyone that it involves.  Jean was lovingly adopted and raised by Betty and Lou Sacconaghi in California.  Although she lost her dad at the age of nine, she had a close loving relationship with her mother, whom she now calls her best friend.  Jean was a tomboy, an athlete, and also the drum major in her high school band. Married, with two sons, Jean first began to write books about adoption in 1994 withBirthright, followed by Beneath the Tall Tree in 2001. In 2004, she turned her talents from writing books to film.  She took a course at the New York Film Academy and began to create short documentaries. In 2009, she became involved in trying to change the laws regarding the sealing of adoption records in her home state of California. Her student project was The Triumvirate — an amazing 14-minute film that captures all the complexities of adoption and its many participants.  It went on to win many awards and she continued to produce films.  She produced other award-winning shorts like, Breathing, Holding Hands, and Vital Records. Vital Records inspired Read more

Ann Fessler is no longer “unsung,” but she is a hero in every way. Ann was nearly 56 when she first met her biological mother, who was then 75.  Ann was prompted to make contact with her birth mother whilewriting her groundbreaking book, The Girls Who Went Away.  She was the first person to thoroughly research and document what happened to all of the girls who were unwed mothers during the 1950s, 60s and 70s. She collected oral histories from over 100 women who had relinquished their children during the time when being an unwed mother was unthinkable for the girl and her parents.  The stories are remarkably different, and eerily the same.  The American culture was beginning to embrace the idea of a sexual revolution and premarital sex, but was very anxious for unwed mothers to simply go away. While she was interviewing women for the book and film, many of her participants asked her why she had not yet met her own biological mother.  Somehow she knew everyone else’s story, but not her own.  In her own courageous way, Ann conceded that it was a legitimate question, and began her journey and her reunion with her mother. Ann Read more

Dave Thomas was born on July 2, 1932 in Atlantic City, New Jersey to a young unmarried woman he never knew.  He was adopted at six weeks of age by Rex and Auleva Thomas, and as an adult would become a well-known advocate for adoption, founding the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption where “unadoptable is unacceptable.” After his adoptive mother’s death when he was five years old, his father moved around the country seeking work.  At the age of 12, Dave got his first job at The Regas Restaurant in Knoxville, Tennessee.  By 15 he was working in Fort Wayne, Indiana at the Hobby House Restaurant owned by the Clauss family.  When his father prepared to move again, Dave decided to stay in Fort Wayne, dropping out of high school to work full time at the restaurant.  Thomas, who considered ending his schooling the greatest mistake of his life, did eventually graduate from high school in 1993 when he obtained his GED. In the mid-1950s to 1969, Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) founder Colonel Harland Sanders came to Fort Wayne to find restaurateurs with established businesses in order to try to sell KFC franchises to them.  Thomas worked with Sanders on Read more

I went to see the new Disney film, Chimpanzee, with the expectation of watching a fascinating film about the life of chimpanzees.  I had just seen Jane Goodall in an interview, and I’ve always been interested in her work.  The movie begins as a story which revolves around the adventures of an adorable three-year old baby chimp named Oscar, and how his mother, Isha, teaches him the survival skills he will need to eventually take care of himself in the jungle. Oscar’s mother lovingly cares for him, feeds him, holds him, and most importantly, teaches him how to find the food he will need when he is ready to branch out on his own.  Watching Oscar learn how to use rudimentary tools to find insects and berries to eat was an interesting look at family life among chimpanzees.  All is going well until we learn that Oscar’s tribe is being threatened by another group of chimpanzees, who want the berry trees that are in his tribe’s territory. The leader of Oscar’s tribe — an alpha male known as Freddy — knows that there will be a battle over the food source, and leading up to the battle, there are many Read more

A mom of one of my adopted clients was crying in my office yesterday due to her son getting caught stealing and lying at school. A deeply religious woman herself, she was mortified with the thought that his choices reflected on her family. His actions were very foreign to her, and she felt like she failed to impart her values to him. I explained that her values are in him, he’s just choosing not to use them currently and she shouldn’t take the blame. Easier said than done, but I still had to say it. The truth is I’ve struggled with the same feeling in regards to my son throughout the years. But it made me think again of how important those early influences are on our lives, and how impactful family culture and values are on the character of our children. It is one of those points where birth family and adoptive family cultures clash. That’s not to say that one family is inherently better than the other; I have met my share of adoptive families who aren’t the best fit for the kids they adopt. At the very least, it’s worth some self-examination when raising adopted children about Read more

Read Part One of Keeping a Promise here   Life and Suffering Back in Kansas After being discharged from WWII in September of 1951, Dwayne Boice returned to Kansas.  He went to work for the Bendix Corporation for the next 31 years where he eventually retired.  Meantime, in these 31 years, he married his high school sweetheart, (and my adopted Mom many years later,) Wanda Boice whom I also interviewed.  She shared that they met when they were in 7th grade.  They were married May 2, 1953, after dad returned from the war at Argentine United Presbyterian Church; a very quaint and humble church where Wanda and her family had worshipped for two generations. Their family grew when they had two children, Cheryl and Stevan. When I asked dad about them, his eyes glazed into the distance, and he sat silent for several minutes.  He started to tell me about his two kids but he paused and stumbled, trying to remember their birthdays and exactly when they died, but he couldn’t remember. So I stopped the interview. I can never begin to imagine the pain and suffering that he and mom endured at the loss of their two biological children. Read more

  Many people don’t know that the large-scale international adoption movement started in Korea, right after the Korean War.  It was the “perfect storm” of a war-torn country — orphaned children who were often Eurasians, because of the large contingent of Caucasian military personnel, combined with the Koreans enormous shame regarding these orphans and their unwed mothers. Often times, the children were literally left to die on the streets of Seoul.   Rescue missions began quickly, and Harry Holt, a farmer and businessman from Oregon, went to Korea, began building orphanages, and then working with his wife, Bertha, lobbied Congress for some of the first international adoption laws.  They adopted eight of these children themselves.  Kim Brown, one of the magazine’s contributors, was one of those children who were rescued from near death. Holt Children’s Services is the agency that also delivered my children to me.  Their work in Korea continued long after the war, and still goes on today.  I wanted to provide some context to this incredibly fascinating and moving story, of one soldier who never forgot his days in Korea, and his promise to an orphan. – Jane Ballback    Keeping A Promise (Part 1) As I sat Read more